Mediation Requires Two Willing Participants
At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’ Luke 14:17
Mediation is like that Banquet
In Luke 14, Jesus tells the parable of a great banquet. Invitations are sent, preparations are complete, and yet – one by one – those invited make excuses.
Mediation is a lot like that banquet. The table is ready. The mediator is neutral and prepared.
But we cannot begin until both parties willingly come to the table.
The Mediator Cannot Reach Out to the Parties Before They Come
I write this post to address a common (and frustrating) misconception I encounter almost weekly:
“Can you talk to her for me and convince her to mediate?”
“Can you make him mediate?”
Respectfully: No.
As mediators, we are not therapists, messengers, or advocates.
We are neutral facilitators. Our work begins only once both parties are willing to participate. We do not chase people down, plead with them to engage, or act as a go-between to set up sessions.
That is not mediation – that is matchmaking, or counseling, or even just wishful thinking.
Mediation is Voluntary
Mediation is a process rooted in mutual respect and a shared desire to resolve conflict peacefully.
If one person is not ready – or not willing – mediation cannot happen.
If you’re the one waiting, I understand the frustration. I really do. You’re ready to talk, to move forward, to find peace.
But unfortunately, mediation is not a solo act. It takes two.
So what can you do if your spouse refuses to mediate?
I wrote this article a few years ago – maybe it will help: Spouse Refuses to Mediate
Communicate your willingness clearly to the other party.
Encourage, don’t pressure. Let them know the door is open.
Wait patiently – sometimes people come around in their own time.
Pray They Come to the Table
And remember: when both people do come to the table, mediation can be a powerful, transformative process. But it cannot be forced.
As Jesus said,
“Come, for everything is now ready.”
But the choice to come? That’s always personal. Always voluntary.
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