Masculine and Feminine Roles and Today’s Marriage
Given today’s climate around gender and roles, I expect some will be rather pissed off by my post. Keep in mind, all my posts are mere observations (and not judgments, or legal advice).
What is the main cause of divorce? Marriage!
It’s a bunch of things, but honestly, I can sum up the demise of marriage (and society in general):
Emasculation of men and lack of commitment.
What is a man?
It took me a long time to write this blog post because I, too, am confused now about what a “man” is. I grew up in the 80’s, with “Leave it to Beaver” reruns. “Men” back then were expected to bring home the bacon for their June Cleaver to cook and protect their families. They made the decisions. They executed them. Wikipedia defines Western male traits as: strength, courage, independence, leadership, and assertiveness.
In this #MeToo society, today’s women now embody everything historically granted to males: Strength, courage, independence, leadership, and assertiveness.
As an independent woman, I struggle with marriage because at the end of the day, it is HARD AS HELL to hang up the balls I wear at work all day and be June Cleaver.
My job makes me HARD (“rough on the edges”, NOT “aroused”). At Court, it pays to be a BITCH. I am cross-examining dirty liars and cheats, not baking them cookies.
Unless I CONSCIOUSLY hang up my balls, I am STILL a man when I come home, and this is a problem. Why? Because it makes me KNOCK HEADS with my husband, when we are suppose to be knocking boots.
That’s not the worst of it. Society’s wacko changes in the past 3 decades have made me CONFUSED about what it means to be a woman. It’s waged war amongst working women and stay at home moms, because it’s messing up our heads. Indignant and angry working women are emasculating their men. And you need to check it before you wreck it.
So does being the breadwinner in your family automatically mean you are emasculating your spouse? Not necessarily. In fact, even if you are a stay at home mom, you can still emasculate your billionare husband. I just saw it the other day in my divorce mediation. The stay-at-home mom of 50 years with a voice dropping condescending dissonances said to her husband, “20 year marriage and all we got is a shed in Riverside to divide. What a joke.”
Ouch. I was tempted to tap her expensive root-job and ask, “And what did you bring into the marriage?”
So Many Women Leave the Marriage
In the 20 years I’ve been practicing family law, I’ve seen a trend moving towards women leaving the marriage. Sometimes their men follow them around the country – quit their jobs, move their homes, follow them around, just to realize the respect is gone. Shortly thereafter, the women file for divorce. This is common. Respect is key in a marriage. I cannot explain respect, but Aretha Franklin sang about it.
You can still embody your feminine side even if you are the breadwinner. APPRECIATE your spouse.
Stop denigrating and defecating on him.
Let him be a MAN. You may need to divorce him. But let him be a MAN. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!