Marriage Advice From Your Favorite Divorce Lawyer, Part Eleven

In this week’s marginal marriage advice from a retiring divorce attorney, I decided to share some of the WORST marriage advice I have EVER heard from almost 25 years of handling divorces.

If He/She Doesn’t Make You Happy, Leave

This is dumb. It’s not your spouse’s job to make you happy, nor is it yours to make them happy.

Also, happiness is incredibly fleeting.

If you are chasing a high here on earth that is suppose to last for eternity, you’ll fail. Why? Because God created you for eternity – He literally put that yearning in your heart. (Ecclesiates 3:11; Philippians 3:20)

Marriage is 50/50

WRONG!!!

Marriage is NOT 50/50 – that’s divorce!

Marriage is 100/100. Incidentally, when you are married with children, BOTH of you have 100/100 custody.

The idea that money and chores should be shared 50/50 assumes that at any given moment, both of you are carrying the same burdens in life (at work, in your pregnancy, at home, etc).

I pray that one of you can lift up the other when down, and vice versa. (Galatians 6:2)

If you MUST use a fraction, try the 50/20 Rule.

Her Baby, Her Choice

This horrible advice leaves men feeling useless during early parenting years.

That being said, during these years, men should definitely step up and care for the needs of their wives. Do what God does for Elijah in 1 Kings 19 – emphasize food and rest.

Though babies usually cling to the mother, it is a FAMILY.

The father is equally important during this time – never let society tell you any differently.

I wrote a blog post about breastfeeding and custody here.

Lots of Arguing Means You’re Incompatible

Wrong. It depends on how you argue. Obviously, words can hurt. However, lots of arguing does NOT mean your marriage is bad.

Watch your words. The mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Make sure your words are always graceful, seasoned with salt. (Luke 6:45, Colossians 4:6)

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