Divorce Destroys Children

Divorce Destroys Children

“For I hate divorce!”says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

I won’t tiptoe around the truth.  Divorce harms children.

A new study published in May 2025 by the NATIONAL BUREAU OF ECONOMIC RESEARCH tracked over 5 million American children and found something most of us already knew in our gut:

Divorce wrecks children’s lives.

Not just highly-contested divorces.  Or just in low-income families.  Almost always.

Destruction does not discriminate.

And no, the research wasn’t done by a religious group or a biased think-tank.  The research was done by Harvard, Census Bureau, and University of Texas intellects using decades of tax records and Census data.   This is the biggest and most accurate study ever done on divorce and its long-term effects on children.

But it’s nothing new – we all already knew it.  There was a wonderful book published about this: The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce.

And if you’re not into research, but prefer anecdotal evidence, this divorced woman gave us the brutal truth in her 2012 blog post: Divorce is Immature and Selfish, Don’t Do It.

The Findings

Nearly 1/3 of American children experience parental divorce before adulthood.  Here is the report for you to read youself: NATIONAL BUREAU OF ECONOMIC RESEARCH.

Here’s what the data shows:

• Household income drops by half

• Kids are uprooted from stable homes and neighborhoods

• Parents have less time for their children

• One parent often moves far away

• Teen births rise by 63%

• Child mortality increases by 55%

• Incarceration risk goes up by 43%

• College attendance drops, and adult earnings shrink

This isn’t just correlation.  The researchers compared siblings in the same family—one exposed to divorce longer than the other.  The results?  The child who experienced more years of post-divorce life consistently had worse outcomes.

Divorce Harms Children More Than Conflict

The study also tackled the common excuses:

“We divorced so our kids wouldn’t grow up around conflict.”

Sorry, but conflict isn’t what hurts kids most.  Divorce is.

And no, these weren’t all dysfunctional, abusive homes.

Most divorces weren’t caused by abuse, but by things like “growing apart” or “lack of interest.”

That’s not heroic parenting.   That’s selfishness disguised as “self-care”.

Unless there’s severe physical abuse, the right answer is fix it.

A Word from a Divorce Lawyer

I know this post could cost me business.  But some things matter more than my bottom line – like telling the truth, and pointing families back to hope, healing, and Jesus.

If God has given me the platform and the knowledge, I have a duty to speak plainly:

Divorce is devastating. And unless there’s true danger, you should do everything you can to save your marriage.

I don’t say this out of judgment, but out of love – for the families I serve, for the children caught in the crossfire, and for God who hates divorce because He sees what it does to His children.

“But They’ll Be Happier if We’re Happier…”

No, they won’t.

The data show that children pay a hefty price for their parents’ “freedom”.  The price is high – and they pay it, not you.

I Was Once Wrong Too – The Truth About Divorce

I once believed what society taught – that divorce can be healthy, provide a “fresh start”, and even “empowering”.

That kids are resilient. That splitting holidays isn’t so bad. That sometimes, breaking a family is best for everyone.

I even wrote a children’s book called Two Adventures with Mom and Dad.

In it, I wrote:

“You’ll get TWO Christmases!”

Bribing the kids, pretending 2 Christmases can compensate – I actually believed the lies myself.   But something changed, and now I speak truth in love.

If you can save your marriage, you should.

Divorce wrecks the lives of the children.  It slashes their income, upends their security, and multiplies their risk of failure, prison, and death. These kids don’t just “bounce back.” The scars follow them for decades.

Divorce fuels poverty, especially for low-income families, trapping kids in a cycle of disadvantage.

Even in high-income families, where financial resources may cushion some economic impacts, the emotional and social toll remains.  As the research revealed, the children from divorced homes face instability, strained parent-child relationships, and higher risk of mental health issues and academic underperformance.

Stop Pretending Divorce is Normal

We live in a culture that treats divorce like an inconvenient business decision.  Divorce is not only normalized, but glamorized.

STOP IT.

Divorce is devastating for children, and I refuse to stay silent.

It’s time to re-normalize God’s definition of marriage.  Normalize commitment.

If you’re thinking about divorce, pause and ask:

Am I really ready for a divorce?

Have I really tried everything?  Who pays the price for my decision?

Because if it’s not abuse, and you walk away anyway, your kids will carry the cost.

Science confirms it.

What Can We Do?

I don’t mean to guilt or shame anyone.  I once believed society’s lies and normalized divorce, too.

If you’re a parent who’s been through divorce,  this message is not to judge you. I’ve sat across from countless clients – many tearful, many prayerful – who never imagined their marriage would end.

Divorce is rarely anyone’s plan A.   And yet, God’s grace still shows up. He is near to the brokenhearted.

But as we navigate this hard reality, especially in a culture where divorce can feel casual or inevitable, we must speak truth: divorce does impact children.

Even when you can stay “friends” with your ex, it leaves lasting wounds.

Speak Truth in Love

That’s why we must surround families with both honesty and compassion.

Parents considering divorce need space to ask hard questions – and to count the cost.

When reconciliation is possible, we should pursue it with wisdom, prayer, and support.

And when it isn’t, children need extra protection, intentional care, and grace-filled community.

As a church, and as a society, we’re called to do better.  That means strengthening marriages before they fall apart – and walking closely with those who are in difficult marriages.

Counseling, mentoring, and faith-based programs can make a difference.

Need Help Restoring Your Marriage?

If your marriage is struggling, don’t give up. Help is available.

Focus on the Family offers free counseling consultations, marriage intensives, and faith-based resources to help couples heal and rebuild.  I also work with counselors who want your marriage to succeed.  Please contact our offices if you need resources.

A Prayer for Struggling Marriages

Heavenly Father, We come to You broken, humbled, and in need of Your grace. Restore what’s been lost. Soften hearts that have grown cold.  Turn our hearst to each other. Give strength to the weary and hope to the hopeless.  Teach us to forgive as You’ve forgiven. Remind us of the covenant we made—not just to each other, but to You.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.