How To Handle Custody Threats

How To Handle Custody Threats

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

Family Law Misconceptions

One of the most difficult tasks of of my job is dispeling the many misconceptions and myths of Family Law, such as

1.  Moms always get custody.
2. If I’m married for 10 years, I get lifetime alimony.
3. They’re a terrible person, therefore I get custody.

Click to Read about Common Myths and Misconceptions of Family Law. 

There is No Winning in Custody

With custody, it is important to get over the idea that “you’ll win custody” if  you’re the “better” parent.

Your Child is the Focus, Not You

A lot of people believe it’s best for the child if the child is with one parent – specifically, the BETTER parent.  And they define better as:

1. The more involved parent (usually the stay at home, if there is a stay at home parent)
2. The parent who is financially responsible (usually the employed spouse, if one is employed and the other isn’t) or
3. The “stricter” parent
4. The “more lenient” parent

You must rid yourself that custody has anything to do with YOU!

The Law

In California, it is PRESUMED that in a separation or divorce, the children are best served if they continue to have “frequent and continuing contact” with BOTH parents.

YOU are divorcing your ex.  Your child is NOT.

Custody Threats

Many custody threats are based on a misunderstanding of law and fact.   In divorce mediation with children, this is what I focus on.

The word “custody”

The word “custody” generates conflict.  It is a legal term which incorrectly assumes children can be divided like property.  Some states, like Illinois, have completely eliminated this term from their family laws.

Illinois removes custody from family laws.

Focus on Parenting Plans

Instead of badmouthing each other, and who is the better parent, focus on what will provide stability for the children.

What are parenting plans?  Exactly as they sound.  It is working together with your co-parent (the person with whom you had the child), to create a plan on how you will share parenting time and responsibility when you split.

Instead of claiming 50/50, or 80/20, or 75/25, work out a calendar based on your children’s needs.   Never use fractions – children are not pizza or pie.

Here are some sample parenting plans.

@lawyerkelly stop fighting over “custody” #jointcustody #coparenting #divorcedparents #divorcelawyer #divorceattorney #familylaw #familycourt #ShowYourAge ♬ A Moment Apart – ODESZA – Hannah Stater