Step One Schedule a Consultation
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22
Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster—no one disputes that.
It’s natural to want to seek reassurance when you’re navigating such a challenging time. But if your first instinct is to pick up the phone and call a divorce lawyer’s office and vent, it’s worth pausing to consider what the first call should really be about.
Here’s a gentle reminder: lawyers aren’t therapists, and neither are their staff.
The receptionist (or answering service) isn’t an attorney or a licensed mental health professional.
When you dial a family law office, the person answering the phone is there to assist with logistics—scheduling appointments, answering basic questions about the process, or directing you to the right resources, such as our online scheduling link, or our blog.
Be careful not to share too much with office staff.
They’re not trained to provide legal advice or to serve as a sounding board for the intimate details of your marriage. Many modern day law firms contract with answering services, who are not bound by strict confidentiality or attorney/client privilege rules as a hired attorney.
Pouring your heart out might feel good in the moment, but exposing sensitive details to strangers is never a good idea.
Your first call should be to schedule an appointment.
Many clients call expecting a listening ear on that first contact, but the truth is, the office staff cannot, and should not provide that.
Most modern offices utilize answering services. They are designed to help you schedule an appointment.
What to Expect on the Call with Staff
Use that initial call to the office for what it’s meant to be: a stepping stone to booking a secure, private meeting with a lawyer.
In the modern era we live in, online scheduling is efficient and simple. For those who are phone-shy, you can email/text staff to schedule.
Conflicting Out Attorneys
In family law, there’s a tactic some spouses use called “conflicting out attorneys.”
Here is how it works: one spouse contacts every attorney in town, sharing just enough details about their case to create a conflict of interest.
Once an attorney has spoken with that spouse, they are ethically barred from representing the other spouse, effectively depriving their ex of lawyers who are able to take their case.
This practice is often driven by vindictiveness, and it is a legitimate concern in Family Law.
Reputable family law firms are familiar with this tactic and will minimize contact until the scheduled consultation.
There is Not Such Thing as a “Free” Consultation
This brings up an important point: be wary of attorneys offering “free consultations.”
If they’re willing to spend unlimited time listening to your story without charging, it might be a red flag.
A reputable, in-demand lawyer values their time and expertise—and they’ll expect you to as well.
Paying for a consultation not only ensures confidentiality but also signals you’re working with someone who’s focused on results, not just chit-chat.
Do Your Homework First
One of the best steps you can take before calling a divorce lawyer is to do a little research. Family law attorneys often provide a wealth of information online—FAQs, blog posts (like this one!), and explanations of the divorce process in your state.
This can help you understand what to expect and clarify your questions before you have your consultation.
When you’re ready, schedule one-on-one time with the attorney—rather than risking oversharing with staff who aren’t equipped (or obligated) to keep your story private. Paying for a consultation ensures your sensitive information stays confidential. Approach office staff with logistics—not life stories. And when choosing an attorney, opt for professionalism over a “free” ear—your case deserves focused expertise, not casual conversation.
So, the next time you’re tempted to call a divorce lawyer’s office for a heart-to-heart, take a breath. Jot down your legal questions, check their website, and schedule a consult instead. You’ll protect your privacy—and be one step closer to the resolution you’re seeking.
If Both You and Your Ex Seek Mediation, We Offer a Free 15-minute Orientation.
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