Divorce Court and Revenge

Divorce Courts are Not in the Revenge Business

Family courts don’t deal with emotional issues. In marriages with children, most important are the children’s interests. HOW do we protect these children from warring parents? Is it not our primary duty to shield them from harm, to ensure they maintain bonds with both parents? Why fault a pot-smoking parent when the other parent openly accepted this until their separation? The courts focus is on children: how can they structure a plan so kids don’t lose bonds with a parent who is moving cross-country to marry someone else? How?

Even in support matters – how do courts deal? Courts are interested in protecting both sides so that outspouses are not left on the street to starve, and their housing is taken care of. But ensuring that there is enough for TWO families when there wasn’t enough for ONE is impossible. Everyone is at a loss, and everyone suffers. Yes, there is a “guideline” support, but whatever is entered is garbage in, garbage out. Everyone is crying “hidden assets” – “purposeful unemployment” – and there are SO many allegations. No, you simply don’t get your day in Court. It’s impossible. Courts cannot (and should not) handle the volume of petty complains which stem from the everyday emotions of family law.

Never use divorce courts to punish.

Most people think court is the place where “justice is served”. After all, this is why I went to law school! Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I wanted to RIGHT all the WRONGS, and put bad guys in prison and make bad guys PAY.

The problem with divorce and court is that there isn’t necessarily a “bad guy” (gal). One of my favorite family law judges (God rest his soul) said, “Hitler does not marry Mother Theresa”. It’s true! In divorce, there will NEVER be one bad guy and one good guy. Divorce is the falling out of a marriage. It takes two. Sure, someone may have been unfaithful. Someone may have failed as a spouse, a parent, whatever. But generally, in the law of relationships, it takes two to tango, and for the most part, it is not entirely someone’s fault. BOTH usually have contributed to the downfall. Or maybe the marriage was just wrong to begin with.

Try Divorce Mediation

After 25 years as a divorce litigator, I believe divorce mediation is bettter because get better, faster and more civilized results than litigation.

I am most satisfied when I see my clients move on in a healthy way. I detest the destruction of families in the court system.

In divorce, money is at issue. It is wiser to spend this money on your family instead of warring attorneys who don’t care about your family. Attorneys want to WIN. There is no winning in divorce. This is YOUR family and your life. Hiring attorneys do NOT guarantee a better result.

I believe most people are capable of resolving personal disputes with help from a competent mediator, who knows the law and the ins and outs of family courts.

In mediation, you pay for legal knowledge and results. You are paying for solutions.